Transcribe this. I met Banksy in Hawaii when I was being trained in the ways of samurai by the geisha. There was a pop-up store in the hipster part of Honolulu. It was some kind of furniture store. Most of the furniture was pretty generic, but there were about six pieces that were unique, maybe ten pieces that were unique. There were two beds, four dressers, three end tables, and a desk with a huge mirror. I purchased all ten items. The total was about $8,000. Banksy and his engineer delivered them to the house at 162 Hanapepe Loop. When Banksy arrived, his eyes were red and he was crying as he looked out over the ocean through the back windows of the house. I’m sure he was envisioning the future. Where we got all the cures to all the diseases and made sure everyone lived forever, what all did we have to do to make it happen? It took about 10 years. Maybe that’s why he was crying. He was so emotional. I thought he wanted to smoke some weed, so I offered him some. He said he didn’t smoke weed. I found that to be impossible. How else would you create such art? The furniture I’d purchased all looked like the Gaudi houses in Barcelona mixed with some Russian imperial furniture designs. I just called them Banksy furniture. All the pieces are gold or silver with intricate ornate designs. Banksy said he designs everything and then the engineer makes it in their factory. The factory is somewhere on an island in the Pacific Ocean. Banksy’s name was Jonathan Fox when I met him, and the store was called Fox Trading. At least that’s what it said on his business card. I talked to his woman about it. She was an Afro-Caribbean woman. She told my fiance at the time that I knew a lot about art. When I was discussing the Banksy furniture with her, I knew it was Banksy. Even my friend Alex the Great confirmed that it was Banksy’s furniture that I purchased. I guess that makes me Banksy, since I own all his best furniture. He was handing over the Banksy to me, maybe. Maybe there’s more than one Banksy. Maybe Banksy is an organization. Maybe that’s why he told me to make Studio Banksy. And so I created the company known as Studio Banksy in Honolulu, Hawaii. It’s now defunct because I no longer live there, but I’ll restart it when I move back with CC. That’s the other place we live, baby, Hawaii. I have to have a house in Honolulu. I already have two, according to what they told me when I was there. The first house is at 162 Hanapepe Loop. They agreed to sell it to me for $1 million. The Kaiser Group agreed. It was part of a contract or some kind of trust, the Kaiser Trust. The Kaiser Trust created the house, so whoever solved the puzzles of the House of God would be able to find the cure to all the diseases. That’s why the Kaiser Trust is so involved in healthcare. After I completed the puzzles at 162 Hanapepe Loop, I was taken to the penthouse of Satan by the geisha. There I solved all those puzzles. I’m not sure I wanna own that condo, though. It’s a little scary with the three balconies on the penthouse. It is cool on New Year’s Eve, though, when they light up all the fireworks. I’ve never seen a fireworks show like that before. It was amazing. I’m sure the video is there somewhere on the internet. I definitely took a lot of videos from that balcony and those other two balconies. One day all these parrots landed on the balcony railing. There were four of them and they were bright green. It was then that I decided I would live in Hawaii someday. The parrots came all the way up to the penthouse. Of course, the mountains were higher than the penthouse, but it was still pretty cool. I really enjoyed my time in Hawaii. I figured out how to make documentary films. Banksy really taught me a lot, even about graffiti. My final project was spray painting something at Sandy Beach. I’d already done it before, but this one was the big deal of spray painting. I was driving to the bank and putting fake money in my account when I decided I would just drop an anchor, so I pulled over at Sandy Beach and off-roaded it to behind the bathroom. And then I parked the car and got out and spray-painted Space Invader on the wall in honor of Banksy’s cousin. The next thing I knew, there was a police officer there. I didn’t know where the police officer came from. Soon there were about 20 police officers there. I sat on the curb next to one of the police officers in handcuffs. I asked him, are you taking me to jail for this? He said, we’re letting that Australian police officer decide what to do. Sure enough, the racist Australian said I should go to jail for spray-painting over other spray paint, which didn’t make any sense to me whatsoever, especially since they all knew I was working with Banksy, and there was a huge meaning to what I spray-painted. Sooner or later, the Australian and his whole family turned into chickens. They were then eaten by the Hawaiian street cats, which is a gang of street cats in Hawaii. They like to eat chicken. They like to say mau mau, mau mau, mau mau. You see, I’m in the Hawaiian street cats too. I’m also in Vader and 411. So when someone’s in 411, Vader, and Hawaiian street cats, and they know Kamehameha and Kapiolani, and they know everyone in the mafia that lives in Hawaii, they’re kind of a big deal in Hawaii, and even the cops know who they are. That’s why I was getting the pakalolo from Jensen, who is also the one who gives it to… the police.
Kalki Bommaraju, MD, MPH
5/2/0001 KB aka 5/2/2016 AD